We get so used to saying YES and pleasing others that we fail to remember what we want or what our needs are. If your life is so consumed by other people’s demands that you don’t have time for what really matters to you, or worse, your mental health is at risk, then it is time for a transformation.

I recently started loving the word NO and becoming a big advocate of using it without apology. So, here’s the thing, saying “no” is not a sign of weakness. If anything, it’s the complete opposite. It’s an act of self-care. With so many things demanding our attention and so little time, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and borderline burnout. So how do we fix it? We say #nomore.

Here’s how to become a crackerjack in the art of saying no.

1. Time is precious!

There are only so many hours in a day, and we all have the same amount of time. However, It's easy for our priorities and responsibilities to get out of sync. But when you know your commitments and how valuable time is, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it.

Be sincere with your response when you say: “I just can’t at the moment, my plate is full… etc.” If they love or care about you, they’ll respect your candor and attention to self-care.

2. What’s important to you?

When you know what your priorities are, it will be easier to say "no" to something that conflicts with those. Even if you do have some extra time (which, for some of us, is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time?

If your time is valuable, then so are your goals and dreams. Make sure they're at the top of your priority list so that they don't fall by the wayside when other things come up.

3. Don’t be sorry!

The last thing you want to do is give someone the impression that their request is more important than your priorities. If someone asks you for something you have no desire to do, politely decline and move on with your life.

It can be difficult to say “no” because we feel guilty or like we’re disappointing someone. But the truth is that there's usually an alternative, and people will always find someone else to get what they need done, so don't fuss over it. If you have a good reason for turning down their request (not just that you don't want to), explain why you're saying no and offer an alternative solution if possible.

Be firm and impenitent about guarding your time.

4. Be Nice but don’t be Foolish!

Again, it’s crucial to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time will only affect you. Don’t let yourself be pushed around or taken advantage of by other people. When you make it easy for people to misuse your time (or money), they will continue to do it. However, if you erect a wall or set boundaries, you’ll seize to fall prey to their gimmicks.

5. Okay, maybe later.

If it's an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to say you’ll give the request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration while keeping a tab on your commitments and priorities.

At some other time, when they check back with you, you might have some available free time. And, if you still can’t take on the request, let them know you gave it some thought but can’t accommodate it at that time.

The classic - It’s not you, It’s me.

This typical dating rejection line can also come in handy in other situations. Think about it: Saying No means saying Yes to something else that matters more. Ask yourself these questions when next you have to ponder on a request:

• Does saying yes and agreeing to this prevent me from focusing on more important events?
• Is this potential project, opportunity, or activity geared toward my values, beliefs, and goals?
• Will saying yes increase my tendency to become more tired or burnt out?
• Will saying yes negatively impact my mental health?
• In the past, when I said yes in similar situations, did I end up regretting it?
• Will I be saying yes because of the fear of missing out (FOMO)?

If any of your answers to these questions are positive, then it may not be the best time for you to say yes.

#WomenWhoTech

As women, we have the tendency to say yes to virtually everything asked of us. This is especially while trying to navigate the obstacles in a male-dominated field such as the tech industry. We are constantly trying to prove ourselves and, at the same time, trying to show that we’re just as capable.

I can't tell you how many times I have said yes when I really just wanted to say no. It's not because I don't know what my boundaries are, for me, it's more about the fear of missing out.

I have come to realize that telling someone “no” when they ask something of you isn’t disrespectful, nor is it rude or selfish. It lies in your ability to understand your capacity and protect your boundaries.

Easier said than done? Most definitely! Here are some motivations to keep you going:

“You are not too nice. You are just too afraid to say ‘no’ and honor your boundaries.”

— Xavier Dagba

Yes! You can be a really nice person with an affectionate heart and still say no to people.

"To me, self-care does not only mean going to the spa. It's learning to say ‘no’ also."

— Tracee Ellis Ross

"When you say 'yes' to others, make sure you're not saying 'no' to yourself."

— Paul Coelho

"No is a complete sentence."

— Shonda Rhimes

Bottom line

I’m not saying you should say “no” to every single request that comes your way, but I do think you should carefully assess them. Don’t be too hasty with your response. A thoughtful “no,” delivered at the right time, can be a huge boon, saving time and trouble for everybody down the line.

Above all, don’t allow your decisions to be driven by personal biases. Every good “no” gives room for a better “yes”. Not just that but one that adds value, fosters relationships, and enriches your overall wellbeing.

It may take some time and practice, but once you learn how to politely say “no,” you’ll feel more confident in yourself and, above all, more time for your self-care.

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Thanks for reading so far! Until next time, take care!